This first appeared in my hometown paper, The Prospect-News, in the June 8, 2016 issue.
Our beloved gem of a hamlet, in the midst of God’s verdant landscape with a spectacular river running through it, has acquired a new credential in the Midwest. We are tenth on the list of most redneck towns in Missouri.
This claim to fame is based on such stats as the numbers of pick-up trucks, gun owners, tobacco chewers and Walmarts. Since we don’t have one of those yet, it must be the easy accessibility of the four nearby.
I very well could have become a typical redneck gal since I lived the first four years of my life right here. We moved to the city, though, when I started school, so I am a transplant. I still, however, love pick-ups; I have owned four. I can hit a target with a deer rifle, though I can’t bring myself to hit a deer except with a vehicle. Can’t say I have stuffed chew behind my lower lip, but I did learn the value of spare spit cups and I have sampled a few Copenhagen kisses.
That makes me think of love and marriage, this being June, still the most popular month for weddings according to some sources, though April and October are gaining on it.
Istanbul, Turkey, and Las Vegas, Nevada, are the top two world-wide wedding destinations. Doniphan deserves spot #3 as the place to go for the perfect redneck ceremony.
We have a choice of venues for tailgate altars – gravel bars and river banks and rocky pastures abound. We have God’s greenery and wood for campfires, so no need to overspend on flowers and candles. No need, either, for planning too far in advance. Ice down the drinks in lots of coolers doing double-duty as seating, crank up some Toby Keith and Hank Williams, Jr. and the camo and denim-clad wedding party and guests will gather quickly. Pinterest surely offers decor ideas for red solo cups if there is a need for a splash of color.
If Mother Nature is smiling on the festivities, it will rain so everyone can go muddin’ at the end of the “I do, today’s” and the “Don’t bet on it’s.”
Mother Nature has not been kind to local outfitters and other businesses lately. No campers or floaters anywhere. Maybe there is hope yet to lure tourists to our area with this official redneck destination designation. Can’t beat ’em? Might as well join ’em!